I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
