you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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