i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
