Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize