i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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