She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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