i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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