I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
