so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
