oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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