covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
