I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
