stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
