First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize