sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
