I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
