I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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