I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
