gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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