They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
