it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So much rum. So many feels.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
