I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
