I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
