Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
