Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
