Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
