I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
