I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
