I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The adults are the big ones right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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