Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
