Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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