I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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