im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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