I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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