You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
