He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
