Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
