My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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