I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
