just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
