I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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