i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
