I puked a lego.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
