At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
