Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
