He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
