What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Be still, my beating vagina.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
