Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize