Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry about my life...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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