I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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