In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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