dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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