My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
