just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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