did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
