I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
