He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
