I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
