u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
