Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my shit smells like andre
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
