So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
