i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
