Im at strip club and am horny
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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