Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
