i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
