he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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