I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize