You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
