Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
