i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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