he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
