yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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