you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
