my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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