OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
