Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
