I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
