So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Found your dick twin last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
