So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
