Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
