Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
