I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
