I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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