its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize