Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize