I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
