There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize