yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
