Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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