i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
