kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
