Come see our sink grown plant.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
