Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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