You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish my penis had an off switch
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
