i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
