I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
