i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
