first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
