In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Need sex. Gaining weight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
