I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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