she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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