me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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