You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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