What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
