Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
