craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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