Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
